I found this article today and thought it was good insight into a potential reason that someone might think that communicating with someone online could constitute as a relationship. I have been introduced to this fact recently and have had discussions as to whether or not online dating can be actually considered dating (especially if you never see the person).
I guess this helps me at least see the other side...random :o)
Are Real World Relationships Being Substituted by Online Relationships?
Friday, January 27, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Thank You...For Making Me A Woman
I have been really thinking about this situation, and as I've stated, I just can't seem to move on. Yes, it is bad that it takes someone else to come along for you to realize the magnitude of what you had, but that is how I chose to learn my lesson (I can't be mad at the way I get what I ask for).
I have been mean to you, made you feel like you weren't enough, and did everything but deny that I knew you as a friend. All those things you said were true. When I think about my decisions, I had to have known that I was making you feel miserable and that the happiness that you said you had, could not possibly outweigh the way I was making you feel....I honestly did not think that you would go away.
In your going away, I think that we have both found some things that we were lacking in our relationship. You have found someone that you can talk and laugh with, and that gives you a good feeling about yourself; and I have found someone that is willing to share everything and be open and honest with me. Things that we were searching for but couldn't find in one another.
Just like you say that I will never know the pain that you have felt, you will never know the amount of love that I have for you even in this moment. It is that same love that makes me sick in the stomach when I think about another woman getting any of the attention that you once gave to me. It is also that same love that when you tell me that you have found happiness, I feel that I have to let you go, as much as I don't want to.
I think about how we could move forward and be able to "truly" trust one another. When I think of us hanging out or dating "for real", I feel as though she will in some form will always be there. We can never go back to the intensity that we had before, neither you or I will let ourselves go there again. She has become your guard, and you will keep that indefinitely. I am learning to be open and honest with everything and my expectations for anyone that I date are the same.
The other day I said that we have come to a crossroad...in one direction, we attempt to be friends and try to get back some of what we were, and the other we part ways and wish each other the best. Just like you can't share me with another man, I can't share you with another woman, and I don't want you if I can't have your whole heart. I would never want it to go back to like it was, I would want it to be better. In order to move on together, we both have to give up a lot to take that risk, and this is something that I don't think either one of us is prepared to do. Have I found that someone special? Probably not, I know that was you, but I chose to ignore it and like everything else that I choose, I must face that I may have missed that "something special". But he, like her for you, makes me happy. We laugh together and can talk about almost anything. I know he will always be a loyal and true friend. I think that it is hard for you to be honest about what she means to you (or anyone else that has been there for you for that matter), maybe because you think I will go away. Your honesty is what helps me want to stay, the vagueness just keeps pushing me away.
I say all this to say, we are not ready to be friends and try to make anything work. It is selfish to want to keep each tied to something that we know we have no intent on being committed to. I meant it when I said I would give it all up and take it all back, if we could move forward and truly love each other and be committed to one another, but the reality is that it is not going to happen, and "I can only go by today" does not work. Today you have her, and today I have him.
I hope that you hear my heart and can be honest with yourself and me in admitting that you don't want this right now. She has your attention and that's okay. Maybe we can both learn some good things from these new people. I just don't want you to tell me a bunch of things to keep me emotionally tied to you, and I have committed myself to not do the same for you. I love you more than anything, but I can't trust you in this moment and I think we need to have our space to grow.
I hope that you hear my heart in all of this and can understand.
I will love you always.
I have been mean to you, made you feel like you weren't enough, and did everything but deny that I knew you as a friend. All those things you said were true. When I think about my decisions, I had to have known that I was making you feel miserable and that the happiness that you said you had, could not possibly outweigh the way I was making you feel....I honestly did not think that you would go away.
In your going away, I think that we have both found some things that we were lacking in our relationship. You have found someone that you can talk and laugh with, and that gives you a good feeling about yourself; and I have found someone that is willing to share everything and be open and honest with me. Things that we were searching for but couldn't find in one another.
Just like you say that I will never know the pain that you have felt, you will never know the amount of love that I have for you even in this moment. It is that same love that makes me sick in the stomach when I think about another woman getting any of the attention that you once gave to me. It is also that same love that when you tell me that you have found happiness, I feel that I have to let you go, as much as I don't want to.
I think about how we could move forward and be able to "truly" trust one another. When I think of us hanging out or dating "for real", I feel as though she will in some form will always be there. We can never go back to the intensity that we had before, neither you or I will let ourselves go there again. She has become your guard, and you will keep that indefinitely. I am learning to be open and honest with everything and my expectations for anyone that I date are the same.
The other day I said that we have come to a crossroad...in one direction, we attempt to be friends and try to get back some of what we were, and the other we part ways and wish each other the best. Just like you can't share me with another man, I can't share you with another woman, and I don't want you if I can't have your whole heart. I would never want it to go back to like it was, I would want it to be better. In order to move on together, we both have to give up a lot to take that risk, and this is something that I don't think either one of us is prepared to do. Have I found that someone special? Probably not, I know that was you, but I chose to ignore it and like everything else that I choose, I must face that I may have missed that "something special". But he, like her for you, makes me happy. We laugh together and can talk about almost anything. I know he will always be a loyal and true friend. I think that it is hard for you to be honest about what she means to you (or anyone else that has been there for you for that matter), maybe because you think I will go away. Your honesty is what helps me want to stay, the vagueness just keeps pushing me away.
I say all this to say, we are not ready to be friends and try to make anything work. It is selfish to want to keep each tied to something that we know we have no intent on being committed to. I meant it when I said I would give it all up and take it all back, if we could move forward and truly love each other and be committed to one another, but the reality is that it is not going to happen, and "I can only go by today" does not work. Today you have her, and today I have him.
I hope that you hear my heart and can be honest with yourself and me in admitting that you don't want this right now. She has your attention and that's okay. Maybe we can both learn some good things from these new people. I just don't want you to tell me a bunch of things to keep me emotionally tied to you, and I have committed myself to not do the same for you. I love you more than anything, but I can't trust you in this moment and I think we need to have our space to grow.
I hope that you hear my heart in all of this and can understand.
I will love you always.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Psalm 139: 13-14
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Happi New Year! 2011 was random to say the least. I have to thank God that I made it through; so many challenges (some self inflicted...others not so much) made it difficult at times to see a new day. Resilience was the word for each day, as i have become the queen of bouncing back!
First things first for 2012...I am not kray! As a woman, I have a natural intuition that gives me insight into many situations that I am involved in. I almost always try to back that intuition with truth. My only desire for this life is that if a woman's intuition proves a man to be wrong, that said man would man the f#$% up and own up to the part that they have played in "the randomness of life"...there is more respect, dignity, and integrity involved in truth and honesty.
My focus for 2012 is to create an environment that exudes love and peace. I need a major shift to occur in my home life, work, and relationships that brings out the best in me and those around me. This moment, like never before, is the moment that will define my tomorrow. So many great things are happening and I want to be present for all of them!
The Randomness of Life...
In this quest for peace, anything and everything that thinks it has a decent chance of stagnating it will pull out its biggest guns. This current space doesn't believe in "true" happiness; it believes in the temporary kind, that's more like an adrenalin rush. I seek a long-lasting, completely present kind of love, one that makes me forget all the other past hurts. I feel that in finding that love, I will also find peace.
2012 is destined to be filled with greatness, and I am committed to being dedicated to feeling everything that is good and pure for this year. I welcome joy, love, peace, and friendship with open arms and proclaim this my year of #gohardorstaystagnate and stagnation not being an option! Happidaisy :o)
Happi New Year! 2011 was random to say the least. I have to thank God that I made it through; so many challenges (some self inflicted...others not so much) made it difficult at times to see a new day. Resilience was the word for each day, as i have become the queen of bouncing back!
First things first for 2012...I am not kray! As a woman, I have a natural intuition that gives me insight into many situations that I am involved in. I almost always try to back that intuition with truth. My only desire for this life is that if a woman's intuition proves a man to be wrong, that said man would man the f#$% up and own up to the part that they have played in "the randomness of life"...there is more respect, dignity, and integrity involved in truth and honesty.
My focus for 2012 is to create an environment that exudes love and peace. I need a major shift to occur in my home life, work, and relationships that brings out the best in me and those around me. This moment, like never before, is the moment that will define my tomorrow. So many great things are happening and I want to be present for all of them!
The Randomness of Life...
In this quest for peace, anything and everything that thinks it has a decent chance of stagnating it will pull out its biggest guns. This current space doesn't believe in "true" happiness; it believes in the temporary kind, that's more like an adrenalin rush. I seek a long-lasting, completely present kind of love, one that makes me forget all the other past hurts. I feel that in finding that love, I will also find peace.
2012 is destined to be filled with greatness, and I am committed to being dedicated to feeling everything that is good and pure for this year. I welcome joy, love, peace, and friendship with open arms and proclaim this my year of #gohardorstaystagnate and stagnation not being an option! Happidaisy :o)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Imprints...
I saw the latest Twilight movie over the weekend and it was my first encounter with the series ever. I was told that I would miss something if I had not read the books or watched any of the other movies, but I must say there was one aspect of the movie that really stuck with me...Imprints...
"It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves.... suddenly. It's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does.... You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend." ~ Jacob Black explaining to Bella Swan about imprint.
It's great when you think about it. The love that every woman longs for. Someone who can go through the "stages" with her. Protector, best friend, then ultimately lover. Not love at first site, but a feeling that ultimately the person before your eyes is your "perfect match" who will be anything you may want or need, making it impossible for you to reject them. Why can't we love like this naturally?
As I type it comes to my mind that this is how God first loves us. Unconditionally being anything we may want or need and I know that once we love him the same in return, we will be able to project this love onto others...I still believe in fairytales.
The Randomness of Life...
I'm daydreaming about that girl and boy who have a "meet cute", knowing that there is just something about the other that draws them to one another but they take there time. They dance around friendship - all he knows is he will never let anyone hurt her; then he dips her and she becomes his best friend - now he knows he'll love her for a lifetime; as he twirls her and she smiles, "a glowing heat fills him" and she now knows his love - what they have has become eternity.
I don't feel it's too late for me. Even at 37 years of age, there is still an imprint to be made. I wear my heart on my sleeve and some lucky fellow will notice. In the meantime, I will continue preparing and make sure that I am walking in my God love so that I will be ready. HappiDaisy :o)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Thoughts Can Bring Me To Tears...
I'm just walking. Too numb to feel anything. Going through the motions with pretty much everything I do these days. I want to move on, get past it as "they" say, but for some reason I can't. And I don't know why.
You lied to me. Mislead me. Only stayed with me so that no one else could love me. Now there's this battle between my head and my heart that really shouldn't be. My heart says move on, get past it as "they" say, find love. But my head says stay and work it out.
We won't be friends, we can't be friends...too much hurt and pain between us. All I wanted though was...a friend. Friends can be counted on and don't change their mind when you need them. Friends don't take things back or brings things up. That trust word comes to mind again. Friends are someone who can be trusted. Not only with the tangible but the most intangible thing you have...the emotions of your heart.
I cherished that...the emotions of your heart. I held them dear.
I trusted you...with that...the emotions of my heart. At one time I gave them freely. Now there all bottled up again, some other man's burden to bear. Poor soul.
It hurts when you say it wasn't so. I never was "all in". How could you think that? I believed in you when you said no one else did. I wanted everything for you that you wanted and thought you needed. Supported your dreams more than my own.
A friend that's all I was looking for. Not a companion (that was his thing)...but a friend.
The Randomness of Life...
No friend of mine...has ever become my lover...so have I ever really had a friend?
HappiDaisy :o)
You lied to me. Mislead me. Only stayed with me so that no one else could love me. Now there's this battle between my head and my heart that really shouldn't be. My heart says move on, get past it as "they" say, find love. But my head says stay and work it out.
We won't be friends, we can't be friends...too much hurt and pain between us. All I wanted though was...a friend. Friends can be counted on and don't change their mind when you need them. Friends don't take things back or brings things up. That trust word comes to mind again. Friends are someone who can be trusted. Not only with the tangible but the most intangible thing you have...the emotions of your heart.
I cherished that...the emotions of your heart. I held them dear.
I trusted you...with that...the emotions of my heart. At one time I gave them freely. Now there all bottled up again, some other man's burden to bear. Poor soul.
It hurts when you say it wasn't so. I never was "all in". How could you think that? I believed in you when you said no one else did. I wanted everything for you that you wanted and thought you needed. Supported your dreams more than my own.
A friend that's all I was looking for. Not a companion (that was his thing)...but a friend.
The Randomness of Life...
No friend of mine...has ever become my lover...so have I ever really had a friend?
HappiDaisy :o)
Monday, December 12, 2011
if i could only find the words that you could hear...
why...could you not be what i needed...not what you wanted to be...
why...could you not love me like i asked...not like you felt i should be...
so many stages in this game...deception, followed by betrayal, mixed with dishonesty...which then turned into hate, which led to bitterness...and now all that's left is sadness with emptiness as the filler...
but it started out as bliss, followed by hope, mixed with laughter...which turned to respect, which led to love...and what we had was "real"...
in your eyes i seem not moved and unaffected...but your pain is my pain and your emptiness is my emptiness...two people on two different paths that seem to never meet up...no longer even a crossroad...
you didn't love harder...there's no way possible...i look for you just as well...
they say that when you find someone to spend your life with, make sure you've found your "best friend"...maybe we missed it...caught up in the appearance of it all...i wanted it that way and you allowed it to be...
why...could you not be what i needed...not what you wanted to be...
why...could you not love me like i asked...not like you felt i should be...
the randomness of life...
for me...love always happens this way...HappiDaisy :o)
why...could you not love me like i asked...not like you felt i should be...
so many stages in this game...deception, followed by betrayal, mixed with dishonesty...which then turned into hate, which led to bitterness...and now all that's left is sadness with emptiness as the filler...
but it started out as bliss, followed by hope, mixed with laughter...which turned to respect, which led to love...and what we had was "real"...
in your eyes i seem not moved and unaffected...but your pain is my pain and your emptiness is my emptiness...two people on two different paths that seem to never meet up...no longer even a crossroad...
you didn't love harder...there's no way possible...i look for you just as well...
they say that when you find someone to spend your life with, make sure you've found your "best friend"...maybe we missed it...caught up in the appearance of it all...i wanted it that way and you allowed it to be...
why...could you not be what i needed...not what you wanted to be...
why...could you not love me like i asked...not like you felt i should be...
the randomness of life...
for me...love always happens this way...HappiDaisy :o)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Is This Thing On...
It takes a special person to be a good listener. Someone that can be counted to hear your thoughts without interruptions, not looking to be the problem solver just a listening ear. This is indeed a special creature, but what do they do when they need to be heard?
These people tend to find themselves surrounded by those who are excellent talkers. People who even when they think they are listening, aren't truly; they are just waiting to once again hear themselves talk.
So the "good" listener goes about life being the one you can always count on to be there; the one person that never judges; the one person that can show you empathy the most.
The Randomness of Life...
"Good" talkers need to be aware of the state of the "good" listeners. We are a hurting bunch, mainly searching for a voice for which we can tell our stories. We go through life seemingly without a care in the world, but in actuality we carry the world's struggles on our backs because we "heard" it all. We take each person's hurt personally and their story becomes our cause.
Our voice is usually not strong enough to shout over yours - we want your cause to be heard more than ours. Our voice is usually not strong enough to shout over yours - you are what matters, we will be fine.
These people tend to find themselves surrounded by those who are excellent talkers. People who even when they think they are listening, aren't truly; they are just waiting to once again hear themselves talk.
So the "good" listener goes about life being the one you can always count on to be there; the one person that never judges; the one person that can show you empathy the most.
The Randomness of Life...
"Good" talkers need to be aware of the state of the "good" listeners. We are a hurting bunch, mainly searching for a voice for which we can tell our stories. We go through life seemingly without a care in the world, but in actuality we carry the world's struggles on our backs because we "heard" it all. We take each person's hurt personally and their story becomes our cause.
Our voice is usually not strong enough to shout over yours - we want your cause to be heard more than ours. Our voice is usually not strong enough to shout over yours - you are what matters, we will be fine.
So a note to yourself...when you find yourself simply talking...take a breath and just listen...there maybe someone waiting to be heard. HappiDaisy :o)
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